Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?

I have always thought this is a ridiculous aphorism and I now know that words can be damaging. There is scientific evidence of the powerful effect that negative words have on pain i.e. it makes it worse. Have you ever been to see a health care professional to be told you are bone on bone, it’s your age, your muscles are weak, your pelvis is twisted, spine is crumbling, there is nothing to be done?

Worse if that professional is a consultant as they do have more status.

How do you think about yourself, what words do you use in relation to yourself? Not just in a pain context, do you think you are stupid, clumsy, wrong, inadequate? How does that make you feel, what is the internal soundtrack to your life? I am constantly amazed by the language that people use, both in recounting what they have been told and/or the way they are interpreting it. But also how they speak about themselves. Being told (or thinking) you are weak challenges the belief that we are ‘fit for purpose’. “My knee is like a rusty hinge” actually no it isn’t, it has far more ways of moving than a hinge. It also has a built in oil replenishing system and there hasn’t been a hinge invented that can do that.
Our bodies are the most marvellous self correcting, self repairing organisms we are bioplastic, change is inevitable; how we change is not. Change is possible until the day we die, with a bit of effort and a positive attitude the change will go in the right direction.
When you break a bone, or sprain a joint, have surgery, the way your brain visualises that part changes. That part of the body almost becomes alien to you. This is a normal reaction and is part of healing up, but if you continue to speak or think of it as alien “my bionic hip”, “I call my leg George”, “the back is killing me”; that alienation is maintained and it is more difficult to reintegrate yourself as a functioning cohesive body. 

Then surprise, surprise it won’t work so well.

The other thing is neurotags….close your eyes and think of red, open your eyes and you will see a lot of red. The more you think about something the stronger the bundles of nerves(neurotags) that create that thought get; the stronger they get the more likely they are to fire, they get their mates to join in, the bundle gets bigger, more likely to fire, so eventually the thought becomes very powerful and pervasive. You find yourself thinking it more often.*
If you describe your pain like a knife in the back every time you see a knife, use a knife that thought is triggered. It may not be enough to lead to pain but it could contribute to an increase in pain (‘but I haven’t done anything to set it off!”).

So be kind to yourself, pay yourself loving attention really notice your language, the metaphors you use and start simple. If you use disembodied language “the hip”, my hip  is an easy correction. If you find yourself thinking you are bone on bone remember even if the cartilage is a bit worn (internal wrinkles) you still have lots of lovely lubrication in the joint. Weight bearing on that joint will stimulate the production of more oil, think wear and repair. If you are using journey metaphors “I’m at a crossroads” “End of my rope” you need some goal setting i.e. gentle graded activity.
If you have had surgery and you feel a bit bionic do a bit of gentle massage and include the surrounding areas; this will help re-integrate the new part help it join the rest of you.

Talk to/about yourself kindly; it really will make a difference.

* remember last months dog story? My watching out for large scary dog’s neurotag has definitely got bigger. Despite the kind actions of the owner, when I go out for a walk the dog thoughts are pretty pervasive. Much worse than they used to be; to the point it is almost putting me off walking. The way I am dealing with it is to keep walking and consciously noting when I have good encounters with dogs and their owners. This will create a new set of neurotags which if used enough will get stronger and the old set will naturally lose power and influence.