During the holiday week I developed a stiff and painful back (physician heal thyself!). Naturally I have given some thought as to why, there was no incident or injury. I had a wonderful week with friends and family; which also involved more sitting than usual (pantomime and a play); couple of long drives, plus eating differently, a little alcohol and later nights. Stir in a previous history of backache and that is probably enough to set my brain’s alarm bells ringing and its output is pain. Back home, walking, a more normal routine and a bit more sleep and I’m improving. Plus I knew nothing dreadful was going on and based on past experience I knew I would recover, also, (for me), walking eases things up. All these things will calm my agitated brain and settle the pain. Not symptom free but well on the way.
Another overlay we can add to this scenario is the coaching training I am doing, which I am finding quite challenging. I thought I was able to listen to people quite well; this course is making me doubt that and I feel quite stymied when I do talk to people. This is part of the process of the course, but it isn’t comfortable. Especially when I am used to being consciously competent in my work. I have been thrown into consciously incompetent within the training. So emotionally I am somewhat agitated and mentally I am a bit overwhelmed. Not symptom free; and will have a bearing on my physical aches and pains (internal chemical changes i.e. stress hormones can aggravate pain).
This is a snapshot of me now; I also don’t expect that in the future I will be completely symptom free, mentally, physically or emotionally. Because none of us are, we may have periods of time when issues are minor niggles rather than mountains of difficulty, but there is usually something happening.
I am not trying to be a grinch (honestly).
We may believe that the hip surgery or the extravagant purchase will make us feel better, or the duvet day or cake eating will solve everything, whatever your thing is; it may well help at the time. It may ease that issue but there will be another one.
There is no nirvana because we change and evolve constantly.
The symptoms we have will shape and teach us about ourselves and that is important. They help us look at ourselves, reflect and maybe take action or change course, grow and develop. Minimally it gives us some agency over events. Even if the best action is doing nothing.
This is life, it’s normal and it’s perfect.
We don’t need fixing because we’re not broken, just evolving.
Wishing you a Happy New Year.